Bugsey’s Bugsurdities…UNFAIR,UNBALANCED BUT TRUE! (so get used to it!)

Love is Forever and my Grandma is Alive and Kicking!
June 11, 2007, 5:05 pm
Filed under: inspirational

My grandma left this world after eating a cup of Mango flavored ice-cream nine years ago. That was typical of her, because she loved life. I recall that she knew how to “live well” (and eat well!) The doctors said she was in a coma, I knew better. Despite the tracheotomy tube, no one knew that she could eat little bits of “this and that”. No one knew that there were times that I knew she pretended to be in a state of coma because she was getting extremely of IV’s , injectibles and tubes which tortured her cancer ridden body.

That is why June is a sad month. When she left this planet, I knew that no one would love me as much as she did and that perhaps, I lost the ONLY person who understood me perfectly.My grandmother was also my best friend and there were feelings which I could share only with her, nevermind, if it’s talking until 3 am, she was always there. I miss that. Yes, even now.

Ten years after she is gone I still terribly miss her and I get into the “what-iffing mode” asking myself what if she had lived longer? Or WHY she didn’t live longer.

By “what-iffing”, I mean I get terribly mushy and recall the days when I was eleven years old or so and we would go to Sta. Mesa Market and eat Pancit Palabok at Cup and Saucer. Then she would get me the latest pants (pink) at Llanes . Every Sunday she would take me to mass at Santa Mesa Church where I would have to endure looking at what I saw then as monstrous paintings of angels and saints because AFTER that she would take me to Jonis and I would gobble a Tuna sandwich and ice cream. What if she were still alive? Would she be still cooking her my favorite Kare-Kare and Lengua Estofado? There must be something about great food preparation that makes one really feel loved. Maybe it is an extension of the safe and cozy feeling one feels in the womb – and always being fed. I have no idea.

Whenever I think of her, I realize what love is. It is a unique collage of the happy pieces of my life and she was in all in them. It is patiently waiting for me as I rummage through the Archie comics at Philippine Ed; she and me going through all those titles of Nancy Drews and Hardy Boys. It means me and her eating Lengua at Dulcinea, or the Turkey November Specials at Luigi’s and her getting me my guinea pigs at Cartimar. It is she and I at the beach at Taal or Hundred Islands or at Baguio simply LIVING LIFE and having a terrific time.

It also were all those nights when I cried pleading for another miracle (after all, she did survive her first Cancer bout for thirty years) in that Makati Med bathroom which seemed then like my cold and tiled praying room. It was feeling her earthly life zapped out of her yet knowing that I was extremely loved and that she really is not dead. She is not gone. I know where she is and she knows where I am.

But here I am typing about her because I am alive and she is alive in my mind and soul. And she can kick NOW because where she is, there can be no pain nor sickness or death:) The pictures is my mind are all happy as if she whispers ” LIVE ON, LIVE HAPPY!”. Most of all, I was deeply loved by someone and that makes all the difference in the world.



4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

God blessed you with such a beautiful memories do not be sad just pass on the memories to other children who do not have the gift of a grandparent.

Comment by Rosaura

Thanks Rosaura, and it must really be difficult to imagine living without a grandma like I had! I can only thank God for her. She is UNIQUE.. always will be 🙂

Comment by podblogging

Nice post Bugsey. Don’t cry. Am sure your grandma is happy where she is now, looking down at you and always interceding for your safety, good health and blessings from Him. We are really fortunate, unlike most kids now in this world, because we have people who loved us so much, unconditionally and always in our best interest.

Comment by Lou

hi, bugsey. pareho pala tayong laking lola. i am very sure she is watching over you and is so proud of your accomplishments in life, most specially your writings. life goes on bugs with God always by our side. take care friend!!!

Comment by nel pascual

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